There is Hope -- My Story
I first got on the methadone clinic in 2002. I never stopped using other drugs even though I had all the resources available to me. I used Xanax daily and smoked pot. I never wanted to stop being high. There were several days I could not even dose because the staff knew I was messed up at 6 am in the morning. Of course, my being in the clinic that time did not last.
I hit a very low point in my life next. My divorce fueled my desire to be high. My daughter was no longer in my life to hold me back either. I did anything I could do to get pain pills, Xanax, and to be honest, just anything I could get. I got worse as time went by. I lost my home, car, destroyed my good credit, and started using a needle. What family I did have became a distance memory. Then something unexpected happened; I became pregnant.
Now I may be a drug addict but I do respect the fact that a child deserves a fair shot at life. They cannot get that from a pregnant, high mother so I moved away from everyone I knew. That worked for a while but old habits die hard.
I spent the next few years doing lortabs and other “weaker” pain pills, telling myself it was better for me. It was not any better. Between the acetaminophen and contaminated water, I ended up with over 40 perforations (or holes) in my stomach alone. After spending time in the hospital, I returned to Alabama. I knew I did not want to continue to use. I had another chance with my second daughter at life. I was using methadone off the street at this point in time but I really wanted to be totally clean from the other substances.
I returned to the clinic in November 2006. This time something had changed. I want to be clean both for myself and my daughter. I started going to groups and talking with my counselor. I applied what I was learning in my groups to my life. I actually tried to make it work this time. I told myself that I would move up in phase every 90 days and that was one thing I never got before was a take home. That is just what I did too. I learned how to deal with myself and others. And I moved up in phase every 90 days.
I am so proud of myself now. My life is so much better now that I take part in it. Even though I had all the resources available earlier in my life, I was not ready to use them. The very first step in moving forward is wanting to. I believe no one can stop using without that. This is a great program and I wish more people could understand that. So many people turn away from this type of help because others think it is so negative, trading one drug for another. I do not live like I once did and neither does my family. I am learning how to feel more normal and it’s great.
A Phase 5 client at Walker Recovery Center