The Closest I’ve Come to Breaking Down

It was one of those days where everything seemed to go wrong. Everyone was on my back about one thing or another. I felt like everything was coming undone. The thought kept running through my head, what is all this for? What is life for? Is it some kind of joke and I don’t get the punch line? If all of this is a test, why doesn’t it ever end, it’s always one thing after another. I felt like crap on top of all this stuff I was having to put up with and the first place my mind went was getting high on Oxycontin.

I thought about it for a second and went and picked up the phone and that’s when my wife walked up and asked me what I was doing. I told her “I’m going to order up a couple of OC’s”. She reached out like she wanted the phone. I handed it to her and after a few seconds, she took it and said, “Sit down and think about it for five minutes and I’ll bring you the phone and I won’t stand in your way if you really want it”. I said OK and sat down for the first minute or so. I just thought about getting high but then I started thinking about where it would put me, how I would have to start all over at the clinic and with my recovery all together and I started thinking that I’ve come this far for all this. My wife didn’t deserve it and my children didn’t deserve it. I thought about how things were when I was on drugs and how terrible my life was and how self-centered I was. For once I was thinking about more than myself and I knew it was time to grow up and be the husband and father I needed to be.

My wife came back and looked at me and asked if I wanted the phone. I said, “No, I thought about it and it’s just not worth it. I’ve got to learn how to deal with my problems without drugs.” She said she was always there for me and we sat down and started talking about my day. 

A Client at Walker Recovery Center

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