Why My Treatment Works This Time!
The first time I came to the clinic I was pregnant with my third child. I had been to rehab twice prior to this. I had always partied and used recreationally, but after the loss of my father in 2002, my use went downhill. My marriage ended in 2004. I stayed clean for almost a year and when things got stressful, I would use. Slowly but surely it turned into daily use and then I found myself with the addiction again. Oxycontin ruined everything good in my life. Everything I loved and cared for, OC’s slowly took away. It manipulated my mind. I had to have it; all of this was going on while I was pregnant. I had to do something. I talked with my family and I came to the clinic. I stayed throughout my child being born healthy. It did not have an addiction.
Then I got it in my head that I could make it on my own and I quit the clinic.
I ended up coming back again after a short period of time. My boyfriend at the time did not approve of the clinic. He persuaded me that I was a better person than that, but really I couldn’t make it. I got off the methadone slowly and stayed off other drugs again. I was doing really well, until my old friends started coming back around. I couldn’t say no to friends. I thought during Thanksgiving and Christmas that I was going to have a nervous breakdown. Between four children, anxiety issues, and the temptation to use, I knew I couldn’t make it one more minute without using.
I called my mother at that very moment at 5am and screamed to the top of my lungs, “I can’t take it anymore, will you please help me?” I knew I could not physically make it on my own. I tried so hard, but it always overpowered me.
I started back to the clinic and have been doing great since. I have passed all my drug screens, went to every meeting, and met monthly with my counselor. These are the things I am suppose to do and should have been doing the first two times in treatment.
So this time in treatment is different. It is different because I have changed the things in my life that kept me using. I cut all ties with old user buddies and ditched the boyfriend who did not believe the program could work. I have moved in with my mother because she is the most supportive person. I do not use and have no thoughts of using. I have to go to weekly groups so that I may vent about my problems. This is key for me because if I didn’t, the problems in my life would build up and I would end up turning to drugs to deal with the pain. I will do anything and everything in my power to keep from using drugs. The life style I had acquired was an unhappy one. I want to better my children’s lives. I have wasted too much time already with them at the bottom of my list.
I want to do anything I can to make a fresh start for them and myself.
The most important thing that treatment has taught me is that you have to make a plan and follow it. Make changes you have to make in order to follow the right path. If you have to cut ties, do it. It is the most beneficial thing you can do to stay sober. The OC’s took so much from me. I have guild built up inside me due to the things I have made other people suffer from. I have to make the program work this time. I have made my mind up about treatment and in return my life is starting to function normally. Never tell yourself that it is okay to party one night. Those nights are what landed me in treatment. Those “one nights” are to happen over and over. I always found a reason not to go to meetings, see my counselor, or leave off other drugs. I had excuses for everything. I do not find excuses anymore. My treatment is working now because I want it to work.